Oh boy – it’s the very first two-part episode of Full House. What will the cliffhanger be? Danny walking in on Jesse trying to unwedge his head from Joey’s crotch? I can barely contain my excitement so let’s get started. We open in the living room as Jesse is telling the Woman of the Week that she’s going to have the most romantic weekend ever. The rest of the family is going to Disneyland so Jesse and whichever woman this is will have the house to themselves. Stephanie runs in all excited, bouncing up and down about going to Disneyland. Joey says he thinks Danny needs to switch the kid to decaf. Stephanie really wants to ride the Matterhorn, a reference that serves purely as a set up for Joey to start yodeling. Stephanie asks DJ how great Disneyland is, to which she says it has the greatest rides. Jesse shoos everyone out of the house and finally has the whole house to himself.
A short while later Jesse and the girl, Samantha, arrive back at the house after a game of tennis and Jesse learns that she had let him win. They’ve been going out for a month and this is the first alone time they’ve had. Jesse says he’s going to make her the most romantic candle lit dinner she’s ever had. I’m starting to sense some potential for a drinking game every time Jesse uses the word romantic. She says she’s going to take a shower and she will be thinking of him. Jesse says have mercy, she cracks a joke about his tennis skills and he chases her up the stairs.
In the kitchen Jesse is setting up his romantic dinner while singing Love Machine. He pours some champagne and brings it upstairs, attempting to lure her out of the bathroom with nothing on. A few moments later and the family comes walking back through the doors. Uh oh… that seems quick. It turns out the plane was grounded because of fog. Stephanie points out that birds can fly in the fog and that they should have taken a bird. Or maybe just driven a car like I have done numerous times from the same distance! Danny promises that they will go to Disneyland another time. Danny says they’ll make tonight family fun night and Joey asks what could be more fun than that? Stephanie says something that starts with a D and ends with land. Umm… don’t tell me… Donald Sutherland? She runs off and the audience feels sorry for her. Danny points out that disappointment is tough on a six year old, which makes Joey start to cry because he realizes they missed Captain EO.
Jesse has slipped into a suit, but hasn’t slipped out of singing Love Machine and still has no idea that the rest of the family is back in the house. Danny opens the bathroom door and let’s who he thinks is Jesse know that they’re back. Samantha is still taking a shower and thinks the voice she heard was Jesse so she calls out to him. Danny comes inside the bathroom to respond to the voice, notices women’s clothing hanging up and cracks a joke about Jesse wearing them. Samantha sticks her head out and Danny says have mercy.
Have Mercy Counter: 0012
We’re then subjected to some awkward rambling from Danny as he just kind of stands there telling her his name instead of leaving. And then he kind of stalls for time as he stays even longer. Most people would have been gone within a couple of seconds, but by this point he’s been in the bathroom with her for about 40 seconds, and Danny is still looking for reasons to come back. Just as he leaves, he re-opens the door to tell her where the shampoo and Woolite are. Jesse hears Danny calling out for him and leaves the kitchen to go investigate. It’s at that moment that Joey, Stephanie, and DJ enter the kitchen. They notice all of the food laid out, the candles, and the fact that there’s only two plates – not to mention they’re supposed to be on the way to Anaheim, and make the assumption it must be for them to eat. Joey tells Stephanie they will be taking a trip to Dinnerland and starts playing a brand new instrument: the Hand Ocarina. Jesse apparently couldn’t find Danny upstairs, probably because he’d slipped back into the bathroom to let Samantha know where the circuit breakers are, and comes back down to see everyone eating the food.
Danny points out that he just met his girlfriend in the shower and Joey says he hopes they didn’t ruin his weekend. Jesse and Stephanie both commiserate their hatred of fog – the thing that ruined their plans. Later in the living room the family gets ready for Family Fun Night but Jesse and Stephanie are still sulking. Danny has an idea to play Stephanie’s favorite song from school: If You’re Happy and You Know It. The whole family sings, along with Samantha, another poor soul who has unwittingly been pulled in by the Tanner Tractor beam. They move on to the second verse, which includes Joey singing in a Popeye voice. Samantha asks if they have this much fun every night. Wow, it’s worse than I though. The Tanners powerful mind control spells have already started to ruin her definition of fun. Stephanie still isn’t having fun so Danny decides to crank the fun up a few notches to Row Row Row Your Boat. Even DJ thinks this sounds like a lame idea. Stephanie says thanks for trying but the family fun night isn’t any fun and runs off to sulk again. DJ goes to talk to her and Joey and Danny leave Jesse and Samantha to be alone for a while.
Samantha says she loves his family and suggests going away to a Bed & Breakfast in Napa but Jesse has to babysit the munchkin.
Munchkin Counter: 007
They kiss and then Michelle stumbles in wearing clown pants, Jesse literally pays her to leave, everyone thinks it’s cute and we cut to Stephanie feeling sorry for herself in her room. DJ asks how she’s doing and tells her she knows what it’s like to not get what you want. She reminds her that she didn’t get the Oat Boat cereal commercial and says she didn’t mope when that happened. It’s a pretty bad example to use, because even as Stephanie points out, DJ didn’t handle it very well at all. DJ starts tickling Stephanie and she starts laughing. Danny comes in and says she has every reason to be sad but reminds her she’s not always going to get her way and to, not in so many words, get over it. They tickle Danny and he starts singing If You’re Happy and You Know it, which seems to be some sort of “safety phrase”.
It’s Jesse’s turn to be miserable, he walks into his room, and Joey follows him eating ice cream. He asks Joey if living in the house gets to him sometimes and Joey says it never does. Jesse asks how can he not get sick of changing diapers and running the girls all around town. Joey says he never had brothers and sisters growing up and he likes being part of a big family. Jesse pushes further and asks if he ever asks himself what he’s doing with his life. He says he used to be no strings, now he feels like he’s married – and has the responsibilities of raising three kids without the tax benefits. He goes on to pour his heart out further – lamenting sleeping alone each night. Joey makes a joke about everything. Jesse says he has no privacy and it’s starting to effect his writing ability. He feels like maybe living in the house is holding him back from achieving his goals. Joey said the bright side is if he hadn’t moved in they wouldn’t be as close.
Later that night Jesse has a nightmare where Samantha comes in to the room and then the girls come in asking to help with homework and Steph asks for a piggy back ride and then Michelle comes in and asks for her diaper to be changed. It’s Joeys voice. Danny and Joey come in and say it’s his turn to take care of the girls. Samantha says they could be so happy. He kicks the everyone out and then they appear in bubbles in the room asking for stuff. Michelle comes in and asks to be changed and fed. There’s two Michelle’s and then they utilize a fish eye lens to create a trippy effect which is quite awesome. Jesse realizes he needs to get out of the house. The next morning Danny and Joey come in to find his room empty and a note saying he had to leave and he’s not sure when and if he will be back. The girls come in and ask where uncle Jesse is and the episode ends with everyone looking upset.