Episode 17: Season One – Danny’s Very First Date

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There’s a whole bunch of little bee girls in the Tanner living room. A woman, later identified as Linda, asks the kids if they know what today is. Stephanie says it’s the start of the Honey Bee Honey Drive. As the honorary Queen Bee, Joey gets to pass out the sample. He says he would bee delighted. The drive is for underprivileged children. Yeah… underprivileged – I doubt the Tanner kids know the meaning of the word or give a shit even if they do. The kid who sells the most jars of honey gets a prize: a new bicycle. The girls all go nuts, but only one of them races over to it and jumps on like it is already hers. If you guessed it was a Tanner, you’d be fucking correct. Joey and Linda pull Stephanie off – eventually. Joey tells her she hasn’t won the bike yet, but Stephanie stresses the yet. Joey introduces a “Honey Bee legend”, the girl who sold the previous record of jars. Why it’s none other than DJ. Yep, another Tanner – the family the entire world revolves around.

DJ gives them a pep talk about how they need to work their stingers off and sell, sell, sell. For the sake of the disadvantaged kids right, Deej? Jesse comes home and she orders them to attack. They swarm on him – he brushes them all aside but tells Stephanie to see him later. In the kitchen Joey and Jesse look at a tree-house that Jesse’s mom has sent for Michelle. Danny bounds through the door asking if the honey bees are there. Jesse tells him yes they’re still there and so is Linda. It appears as though Danny is over his Dead Wife Syndrome because he quite fancies Linda. Danny asks if it’s been enough time. Jesse says it’s been a year – he says it’s okay. Danny is a little rusty, he doesn’t even know remember how to ask a girl out. Joey was his expert on women when he met Pam. Oh… Danny! Jesse says go in there and ask her out on a date.

Danny goes in and makes some small talk with Linda. Linda’s daughter asks Danny if he would like to buy a jar of honey from him. Danny buys 3 jars, I imagine just to butter Linda up. Stephanie is upset. She wants that bike. Yeah, no surprise that helping the underprivileged kids is nowhere on her radar. (And to be fair, it wouldn’t have been on mine as a kid either but whatever. Fuck. The. Tanners!). Danny says he will buy 10 jars from her. DJ doesn’t think this is enough and orders he buys 20. Danny talks her down to 17. Linda is impressed that he purchased 17 jars. Danny says when DJ was doing it he purchased over 100. Linda says he’s a great dad. Yeah, not being able to say no, and buying enough jars to eat nothing but honey for a lifetime is awesome parenting. Danny racks up the courage to ask Linda if she likes movies and then awkwardly rambles on so much that she even points out that he was working up the courage to ask her out. Linda says she has a car full of bees but she has two tickets to an art exhibit if she can find a sitter for her kid. Danny says Jesse and Joey can do it. She will even treat him to dinner. Danny is excited that he has a date tonight.

In the kitchen Joey and Jesse are putting together Michelle’s playhouse thing. Danny comes in with the good news. He says he was shy and awkward and she asked him out. Danny asks for advice on how to tell the girls he’s going on a date. They say to trust his instinct and tell them what they need to know. Listen to what they say and respond accordingly. Danny says they don’t have a clue how to handle it do they. Up in the room Candace Cameron is screeching her way through her lines about honey bee salesmanship. Stephanie thinks her sales pitch is great and tries it on Danny – who reminds her he already bought 17. Danny starts to tell the girls he’s going on a date and gets nervous so he adds on two more jars. Grow some balls, coward. He tries to spit it out and can’t and adds on another 4 jars. Finally he spits it out – he’s going on a date. Stephanie is excited that she gets to go. DJ explains that they don’t get to go – that they want to be away from the kids.

DJ gets all whiny and says she needs him to help with her homework. Stephanie asks if they go on a date will Linda be their new mommy. Danny says of course not. He says people go on dates all the time, it doesn’t lead to marriage. DJ lays the guilt on thick and and so Danny caves and changes his plans to just stay in with the girls. They’re happy but Danny is bummed out. Later, Danny has to call Linda and cancel the date. He doesn’t blame his kids, he says it’s too soon. Jesse and Joey come upstairs just in time to hear the call and ask him what he’s doing. He says he couldn’t stand to see the looks on the kids faces. Jesse and Joey tell him that he should have kept the date. The girls will eventually deal with it. Joey says the situation will always be tough, but he can’t keep postponing life. They ask Danny what he really wants to do and he says he wants to go on the date. He calls back Linda and apologizes, joking that it was his evil twin brother Manny Tanner. He wants to go on the date.

Just then the girls come down and tell Danny that because he’s such a great dad they want to take him out for ice cream. They give him a hug and walk off screen. Danny picks back up the phone and tells Linda it’s Manny Tanner again and he can’t go on the date. Jesus Christ, this poor woman must feel completely humiliated by this point. In the living room the two nitwits are putting together Michelle’s thing. It’s meant to be a tree-house but it looks more like a tiny plastic slide with a roof. Jesse is wearing glasses, of course. The guys are having trouble putting the thing together. The girls come in and ask if they want to go get ice cream with the and Danny. They say they have a better idea – they get ice cream with them and let Danny go on his date. Joey says he thinks he knows how they feel. Joey says he was only 6 when his parents got divorced and he didn’t like it at first, but when he saw how happy his mom was it made it better. The girls realize their dad is lonely and agree to let him date. Jesse has got himself trapped in Michelle’s house.

DJ takes Stephanie aside and tells her she isn’t sure about the whole dating thing. She says it might make their mom unhappy. Seeing as Stephanie is only 5 she instantly agrees – and she’s been pretty damned confused the whole episode and has been talking like Mara Wilson. Danny is flipping a ball up in the air and catching it as the girls come in with ice cream. I’m pretty sure were heading for a whopper of a Special Moment here, with the dead mom / dead wife emotions building to a boil all episode. Danny tells them to get into bed. He asks them what is wrong. Stephanie says they’re wondering if they still love mom. He says of course he does. A date won’t change that, falling in love with someone else won’t either. He says that they had a talk about what would happen if one of them died, before she died and that they agreed they should date. The girls are happy that she would be happy and tell him to go on the date. Danny says he’s already broken the date twice and doesn’t think he can call her. So DJ calls for him.

So Linda is downstairs waiting for Danny and he realizes he doesn’t like his look. He says he needs their help with a look. It cuts to Danny dressed like Joey and then like Jesse – he actually keeps her waiting who knows how long. Eventually he decides to get back into the suit and arrives to go on the date. Linda says she understands – she went through the same thing when she started to date. They leave and Michelle gets to enjoy her new tree house – which she abandons for an old dish rag she likes more.

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