Episode 14: Season One – Half a Love Story

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y7We open in the Channel 8 Action Newsroom as one of the anchors is saying they will be right back with Danny Tanner and sports. They go to commercial and Danny runs over to see Robin, a friend of his who has an interview to be one of the new reporters. Danny says she should stay at his already crowded, annoying ass house instead of a hotel. Jesse walks into the studio with Michelle and is immediately taken with Robin. He uses Michelle to lure her in and it works. Jesse asks her out for a romantic evening of dinner and dancing. She says she can’t tonight but maybe tomorrow. Jesse asks to seal it with a kiss – using Michelle as some sort of fleshy link between their lips. Now mere inches from her face he says that Michelle says she has beautiful eyes. Robin leaves, clearly looking forward to seeing Jesse again.

The news comes back from commercial and Jesse approaches Danny and hands Michelle off to him, right as he’s about to deliver his report. What the fuck. Now we’re back to the classic no-fucks-given-about-anyone-else behavior that defines this show. Jesse has an audition for a big gig so watching Michelle is now officially not his fucking problem. The fact that Danny is about deliver his report while holding a baby doesn’t matter. Danny can deal with that. The fact that it makes the network look incredibly unprofessional doesn’t matter. The network can deal with that. The fact that most people don’t care for this ugly baby doesn’t matter. The people of San Francisco can deal with that. Danny tries to pass Michelle off as a new addition to the sports segment while the other anchors shrug their shoulders in disbelief.

Later in the day Robin is chilling on the couch with Danny when the girls walk in. She asks DJ if she remembers her, she doesn’t. In the kitchen, Joey is pouring Chinese take-away into a wok and attempting to pass it off as his own cooking. He says he’s tired of the family making fun of his cooking and saying he’s not the world’s greatest cook. So he does listen! This indicates to me that Joey’s CPU must be a neural net processor – a learning computer. Stephanie says not to worry as she’s not the world’s greatest anything. Joey says she is the world’s greatest Stephanie – aww! He tells Stephanie to go tell everyone he’s almost done cooking.

Just as Stephanie leaves there’s a knock at the door. It’s Jill. Who’s Jill? She’s a girlfriend that Jesse had, that he never really broke up with – kind of a friend’s with benefits type deal, apparently. Jesse comes home and sees Robin sitting on the couch and walks over like he’s going to put the moves on right then and there. He reminds her that they’re going out tomorrow and she says they absolutely are. Danny lets Jesse know that he invited Robin to stay the weekend and he thinks she can stay in his room. This of course means that he will be staying the night with Joey, who strolls in at that exact moment making dinner-bell motions and making the accompanying sounds with his mouth. Either I’m getting kind of numb to this kind of behavior or he’s toning it down.

Everyone goes into the kitchen and at the exact moment they’ve left Jill comes downstairs and says, “Hey Jessie!” Isn’t it funny how she just happened to come down the second Robin had left? She asks Jessie if he had forgot their date. He says of course not and suggests they leave. Joey says not to go as he made a delicious Chinese meal. Jill says she loves Chinese food and goes into the kitchen. You know what’s coming next, right? Of course! Jesse is going to end up having dinner with both women and we can only guess as to how well its going to end. Jesse sits awkwardly between the two girls and tries to pass them both off as friends. Robin let’s Jesse know that they’ve already met and they she was informed that they have a date tonight.

Everyone thinks Joey’s food is great but Danny thinks it tastes like the food at Uncle Wu’s Chinese Palace. Jill asks what movie they should see – Jesse tries to change the subject but no one wants to talk. Jill tells a story about how Jesse and her met. She explains how he came in with Michelle, and how there’s something about a baby that is sexy and hard to resist. Robin says it’s becoming easier. Danny asks if he uses his baby to meet women. Joey says he’s taking the baby with him tomorrow to meet girls the market. Jill goes on to spill all of Jesse’s techniques – the same ones he used on Robin. DJ chimes in asking if the food is too spicy because Jesse is sweating bullets. Thanks for the help, DJ!

Later that evening we see Robin and Danny practicing her audition piece. Jesse walks straight into the room and says he hopes he isn’t interrupting anything – even though it’s a textbook example of interrupting something. He says he wants to talk to Robin privately and asks Danny to leave. Robin tells Danny not to leave and that she doesn’t think the date is a good idea. Jesse is devastated and doesn’t want to accept reality. Robin says she’s dated his type before and it always gets her into trouble. Jesse gets defensive wants to know what his type is. She says he’s a guitar-playing, leather-wearing, Elvis-loving, motorcycling-riding, girl-chasing, blow-drying, baby-toting tough-guy type. Only in the 80s couldJesse says she’s right, but he’s also a romantic-type and a compassionate-type type - that’s attracted to her type. She says she bets he has never had a relationship last more than three months. He says she’s wrong but can’t remember the name of her. Jesse kicks Danny out of the room – Danny says he’s going to patch up the Iran / Iraq squabble.

After Danny leaves Robin admits she’s afraid of getting hurt. Jesse won’t quit – even going so far as saying he won’t take no for an answer. All of this despite the fact that she has expressed a lack of interest multiple times. I would like to think Full House is providing some sort of commentary on how pushy men can be, but I’m sure it’s meant to be funny or something. Still, kudos for writing a female character who has at least some dignity and enough spine to kick this creep out of the room. Obviously the whole family is outside listening in. they all confront him. DJ says you really like her huh. He says its the worst breakup in his whole life and he hasn’t even gone out with her yet. the next morning Jesse is pretending that everything is fine – he’s over her but Joey isn’t buying it. Danny suggests he try taking things slow and being friends. Jesse doesn’t want this.

Upstairs Robin is chilling with DJ and Stephanie. The fact that DJ commented on Jesse liking her means that there’s a 100% chance that this pretentious little freak is going to give her some sort of lecture on how she should date her uncle. DJ and Stephanie talk about how when she gets the job she can come and visit them all the time. Stephanie says she can even date Uncle Jesse. Robin says she doesn’t see that happening. DJ points out that David and Maddie on moonlighting didn’t like each other at first either. The girls tell her that uncle Jesse is a great catch – he can sing, can give fun piggy back rides, and has an awesome head of hair. Jesse comes into the room and it’s obviously awkward so she leaves.

Stephanie slams her finger in a drawer and Jesse runs over and makes everything better. Robin looks on as Uncle Jesse miraculously distracts Stephanie into forgetting how much the finger hurt. He gives her a piggy back ride out of the room and Stephanie says “what a guy” – the scene closes on Robin looking like she misjudged him

Cut to the Channel 8 room and Danny is once again doing the news report with Michelle and says he would like to thank all of the callers who asking for Michelle to be a regular on the show. Bull. Fucking. Shit. But, unfortunately Danny announces that she is retiring. Jesse comes to pick up Michelle, Robin is practicing her piece and Jesse shows up with Michelle. Jesse says she’s not putting enough personality into it and that she needs to have more fun with it. Jesse  gives a demonstration of how she should do it. He does a bombastic fake news report, throwing a have mercy in there for good measure. It’s finally time for Robin to do her go land we fade out as she is going.

Later that night in the Tanner house Danny gives a toast to Robin, the newest member of the Channel 8 team. Robin thanks all of them for their help. She asks to have a private word with Jesse. They go outside to the backyard and she says she wanted to help him for all of his help. She says she was wrong about him – he’s different to all the other guys like him. She digs his strong maternal instincts – the girls really adore him, and she’s beginning to see why. He says that they should just be friends and she says she would like that. And if they ever want to be more than friends she will have to make the first move.

He asks if she ever were to do that what would the move be…

She says trust her if she ever makes a move he will know it…

She gives him a friendly hug and he asks if that was a move…  

She asks if his toes curled…

He says yeah…

She says when she really makes a move everything curls…

Jesse says HAVE MERCY and the episode ends. 

I always do a search on these random actors and actresses. The person who played Robin – Kristian Alfonso – starred on Days of Our Lives for, like, about as long as I’ve been alive. I’m talking over thirty-years. Holy shit. She was even in the news this year when she went to Australia to promote the show going back on the air there. Alright, that’s not terribly exciting news – but you don’t see Mr. Benten doing anything these days, do ya. Huh? Yeah!


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