The episode opens with Joey performing Also sprach Zarathustra (think 2001: A Space Odyssey) with his mouth-trumpet while clashing an iron on his clothes. Dave Coulier sure is good at doing the one sound effect that literally everyone else on the planet can do! For the love of Urkel, please stop making trumpet noises with your mouth! The girls come down stairs to watch the madman do his thing. Joey announces that he’s very excited and has great news but he can’t tell them until everyone comes home. Jesse comes home and he too must wait until everyone is there to hear the exciting news.
The girls grow impatient and beg Jesse to make Joey talk! The girls have to endure, in reality, about a 40 second wait before Danny gets home and the whole family is in the kitchen. Once Danny is there Joey reveals that he’s been chosen as – and I quote – “one of the hot, up-and-coming comics to go on a 2 week, 16 college tour.” There’s a little problem though – Joey’s not sure if he should go. He points out that when he moved in he made a commitment to look after the girls and cook and clean and do laundry. And jeez, we all know how good Joey is at all of those things:
Cooking: Despite being called Mr. Vegetable in some circles, has no idea how to do anything in the kitchen just one episode before this. His biggest – if not only – contribution to Thanksgiving dinner was bobbing his head to The Temptations and carrying a frozen turkey to the table. A frozen turkey, I might add, that he didn’t even recognize as being a frozen turkey.
Cleaning: Didn’t do the dishes (his job) for so long that the family ended up eating cereal out of pots. In the same episode expected his mom to clean his mess. Also in the same episode tried to vacuum the floor with his mouth.
Laundry: The day he moved in he dumped all of his clothes on the living room floor. He hadn’t done a wash in weeks. An episode later and he, with Jesse’s help, burned through dozens of baby clothes in one night. These were also just dumped on the floor.
Yep, it’s going to be tragic if Joey isn’t there to help. Danny and Jesse tell him he has to go on the tour. The guys realize they can all pitch in and pick up the slack. Alright, it’s solved – Joey is off on the tour. And I guess we’re going to get to hear his awful jokes. Joey is practicing his act in the living room, complete with a tape recorded laugh track. We hear the punch line to one of his jokes – “That’s not a penguin that’s George Bush” followed by “It’s wonderful to be here at Fill-in-the-Blank-College home of the fighting… Some Animal” after which he plays the laugh track. Danny walks in with a big grin on his face – I guess his default face. Joey explains that the laugh track is just a confidence booster. More like a crutch, Joey.
Danny goes upstairs to work on the week’s basketball blooper reel which as corny as that sounds would surely be more entertaining than Joey’s act. Danny is a little upset that Joey has trashed the living room with all of his possessions. Joey says he will clean up. Stephanie comes running around the living room in her Bumblebee Suit playing Flight of the Bumblebee on her little tape player. This is distracting for Joey, so he leaves looking for a place that’s quiet. He tries Jesse’s room, but he’s playing guitar. He tries Michelle’s room but even Michelle is busy playing with a toy. They’re not so subtle in pointing out that Joey has no place of his own.
We cut to Joey practicing his act in the garage – or should I say practicing listening to the laugh track and complimenting himself. Joey’s next joke is titled Ode to a Fountain and involves him taking a sip of water and spitting it out of his mouth… like a fountain. You may remember this “joke” from the first episode when he did it to try to make Michelle laugh. DJ comes down the stairs and watches him. Joey just spurts water around – including on the window of the VW parked downstairs. DJ remarks how it looked so real. Joey just hopes he can do it well on the tour. Yeah, I can totally see how bad form would turn this from a laugh riot to a total dud. I know this is around the same era where a guy smashed watermelons with a sledge hammer, but this isn’t comedy, is it? What does he do for an encore? Blow his nose?
DJ remarks that the garage is really cold – so Joey opens the hood of his VW revealing that it’s his closet. He gives her a jacket and comments on how the alcove is so small so he has to keep his clothes in his car. Worse yet, he has no privacy. He bonds with DJ over the fact that they have so little personal space. Cut to later and DJ is telling Danny and Jesse how sad it was that Joey had to rehearse his act down in the cold garage alone. She thinks there must surely be a way to help him. Danny says what Joey really needs is his own room. DJ brainstorms a way that Joey can have his own room – suggesting Stephanie sleep in a tent in the yard, or that they put bunk beds in Jesse’s room so Joey can move in there.
This is all nice and normal but for some reason it’s decided that it must all be done in secret. Stephanie was given a job to keep an eye out for Joey but she fails and Joey walks into the room. Joey feels like he’s been excluded and talked about, but the family assures him that he wasn’t. They say they were all practicing singing Michelle a song, and then proceed to sing four different songs at the same time. Cut to the next day Jesse has prepared breakfast for everyone and even given Danny the sports page of the newspaper. Danny is late for work, he wishes Joey well and the rest of the family continues to eat breakfast. Everyone else leaves after eating breakfast for about 20 seconds (which includes a second helping). The family does a great job of needlessly making Joey feel ostracized.
Joey starts feeling sorry for himself – believing no one in the family even cares if he’s there or not. He says goodbye to Michelle and goes off on his trip. Cut to later and Jesse has taken care of all the laundry and is playing with Michelle. There’s a knock at the door. It’s some mom who says it’s Joey’s turn to watch the kids. Apparently all the moms in the area (and Joey) take turns watching each others kids. Since Joey is gone it is up to Jesse to watch them. The little brats decide to have a laundry fight and toss all the clean laundry around the living room.
Cut to later in the night and Jesse is making dinner. Danny comes home late and John Stamos overacts the overwritten role of the upset, under-appreciated woman who took care of all the housework. What comes next is a bit that goes on for way too long. Jesse storms around the kitchen talking about how he took the kids to the dentist and missed Oprah and a lot of other unfunny stereotypes about stay-at-home wives. Danny says he has solved Joey’s room problem – he’s going to have some contractors build a new room. Just how much are they paying this fool to create basketball blooper videos? $400K a year?
Joey comes back from his tour and realizes the alcove he sleeps in has been cleared out. He walks into the kitchen to find the rest of the family playing Monopoly. He wants to know if anyone knows where all his stuff is and Danny says they moved it all down to the garage. Joey thinks they put it there because they don’t like him and gets all mopey. He goes downstairs to check out his stuff to find that they’ve completely renovated the garage into a really cool room. Even Manny the Mannequin is there. Joey remarks that no one has ever done anything this nice for him and he’s glad they don’t all hate him after all. Aww.
It’s awfully strange that Joey is supposed to be a functioning comedian and the whole episode is structured around him practicing his routine, yet we don’t hear a complete single joke. It’s as though the subtext is that he’s a hack, even though everything else suggests he’s actually supposed to be talented. It’s really odd since Dave Coulier was – and still is – a stand-up comedian. Even he couldn’t come up with a joke to demonstrate why anyone would pick this guy?